Saturday, May 31, 2008

Marilyn's Deadly Biorhythms

I found a chart showing Marilyns biorhythm on the day she died - according to her birthday.

I don't know what you all know about biorhythms they are basically a way of predicting human behavior. They are supposed to predict the days of greatest physical, emotional and intellectual well-being. But even more important, as a useful way in forewarning of those days in which precautions should be taken so that potential accidents might be avoided.

Biorhythms are based on the theory that human behavior is influenced by three basic rhythms or cycles of energy: the physical, which has a period of twenty-three days and regulates an individual's vitality and stamina; the emotional, which has a period of twenty-eight days and regulates creativity and sensitivity; and the intellectual, which has a period of thirty-three days and regulates the memory and decisionmaking process. The cycles begin at birth, working independently of each other, but having a cumulative influence on man's behavior.

Each cycle is divided into halves. The first half is when energy is readily available and can be channeled into successful ventures. The second half is a "recharging" period, during which it is advisable to refrain from strenuous efforts. Because of the different lengths of each cycle, all types of combinations can occur; for example, one may be overflowing with physical energy while intellectually and emotionally drained. I found a chart showing Marilyns biorhythm on the day she died- according to her birthday.

This chart illustrates the position of Marilyn Monroe's Biorhythm cycles on the day of her death. An interpretation of this chart could be that Monroe's emotional and intellectual state were responsible for her decision to commit suicide at a time when her physical resistance was low. It would be interesting to see all the other people who were with Marilyn on that day to see what their 'biorhythms' were like. Specifically Eunice Murray to see if she was predicted to decieve others....

- This reminds me of a short story I read: it was supposed to be day Marilyn died and she was reading her horoscope that was giving her all these warnings and telling her to stay calm and don't do anything rash, etc. Anyway in an afterward the author said that in fact that was Marilyn's REAL horoscope that he researched and somehow got for Aug 5. 1962

- Actually, I see nothing serious in the biorhythms state above. Moreover, I've checked Marilyn's biorhythms in Free and Easy biorhythms calculator

There are no critical points, overal state is about 50%.

This is a good day for professional development, reading, and learning. Scientific research or quiet office work is favorable. Increased mental activity leads to an interest in intellectually-based games.
Physical state: Negative
Emotional state: Negative
Intellectual state: Positive
Intuitive state: Negative

The intuitive minimum is characterized by a loss of the sixth sense. Decisions made intuitively at this time may prove false. There is no inspiration for creative work.

See, nothing serious ...


Monday, May 26, 2008

Biorhythms In The Practice Of Acupuncture

We all know something about biorhythms. Basically, a biorhythm is an internal clock that regulates our bodies in relation to the daily positions of the sun, and the monthly positions of the moon.

This can be seen in the time it takes our bodies to adjust to small changes, such as the changes of daylight savings time, or in large changes, such as jet lag. Our understanding of and interest in biorhythms has been recent, within the last thirty or forty years.

The ancient Chinese observed this connection between our bodies and the planets many centuries ago, and use it in their practice of acupuncture. They list a number of different biorhythms, from the normal twenty four hour cycle up through longer several day periods. All of these are used to follow and influence fluctuations in body energy.

In acupuncture, this energy circulates through each part of the body throughout the day, each organ having a two hour time for maximum energy and a time for minimum energy. For example, the major organs have their maximum energy in the following order: first the liver, then the lungs, large intestine, stomach, spleen, heart, etc., in sequence, for all of the twelve major organs. This order was discovered by years of observing the times of day that the disorders of the various organs displayed their worst symptoms. The acupuncture practitioner can use the times of a patient’s symptoms to help determine which organs and energy channels are affected, and also help select the favorable times to treat the patient. For example, many of the worst asthma attacks take place during the wee hours, which is the maximum energy period of the lungs. The best time to treat these cases is at a time as close to this time as possible.

In the science behind acupuncture, a symptom may be caused by too much energy at an organ, and other symptoms by an insufficient amount of energy. (The determination of which symptoms fall into which category has been catalogued over many centuries, and there are many books on acupuncture detailing these for each of the major organs.) The best time to treat a symptom associated with too much energy is during its maximum energy output, and a symptom with a deficiency in energy is just after the maximum output is over. Of course, it may not be possible to get to your practitioner at those particular times, and there are also other good choices at other times of the day.

In addition to the daily biorhythm, there are also ten day intervals associated with the moon, and so the acupuncture practitioner might strongly suggest that a particular day would be better for treatment than another, based on the particular symptoms reported. Each day of the ten days is associated with one of two aspects of the Qi energy, and also associated with one of five elements. Particular organs are associated with particular elements, and so stimulation of these organs will be more successful on those days associated with the correct element.

It is important for us to take note of the times our symptoms occur as well as what our symptoms are, for that is important information in our acupuncture treatment plan. And know that the time and dates for our treatments are an important part of how well the treatment works.


Sunday, May 25, 2008

Biorhythms As A Mirror


Sometimes people claim to be exhausted when really they may only be bored. Often these exhausted souls are fighting a much more enigmatic foe - apathy. Until they want to see the world differently there is nothing to be done for them.

Others suffer due to a lack of stillness. Sadness comes in the form of being forced to play games all alone. The mental monkey never quite subsides. Even if it were - the silence becomes deafening. The only cure is to vegetate.

The final and true form of exhaustion is to be too drained to continue.
I have first-hand experience with this. I was training my metaphysical gift with a Biorhythm chart today. I watch the curve vacillate between -100 and +100 and notice that this sine wave mirrors the truth in my violence.

The Primary rhythms show I have been physically tired and will become more so until Wednesday. However, I am on an intellectual and emotional upswing (finally) which will encourage calm waters. The Secondary rhythms show that my Wisdom path is heading in the right direction as well. This time next week I should have a more positive outlook on life. My vacation has fallen exactly when I needed it too.

Then I charted our compatibility and see again that our rating is 63%. (63% Average = Physical = 48%, Emotional = 69%, and Intellectual = 71%.) I see that I am not happy with us mostly because we are not seeing fully eye-to-eye on anything. Regarding physical intimacy, for instance, we seem to be on opposite sides of the spectrum.

The bottom line - I want off the train. This ride is not fun, effective, supportive, or inspiring. I've waited two years to see it grow into its potential and I am further away than ever before. What do I want to do about it? Quit. I am exhausted. I have maybe 40-50 years left...
If I don't die from a broken heart next week.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fortune Biorhythms

Recently I've found yet another online biorhythm calculator at However it looks interesting enough because of very uncommon rhythm called fortune biorhythm. I've never heard about this rhythm before and ... why this sinusoid with 23-day period looks like usual physical biorhythm shifted on several days?

Here goes a description from website:
Biorhythms have nothing to do with stars or the supernatural; they are simply cycles of human abilities. You have probably noticed that you do not have the same physical, intellectual, emotional or intuitive abilities each day, and that your degree of "good fortune" varies considerably also.

Once you have excluded other factors, you may notice that your abilities tend to cycle, in other words, they go up and down at fixed intervals. As a result, you have certain times when you are at your peak in one or more areas and of course other times when you are at your lowest ebb.
The science behind biorhythms dates back to the late 19th Century, the era of Sigmund Feud, when various psychologists, professors and scientists studied mental and physical states and discovered that these states appeared to be governed by cycles of 23, 28 and 33 days. There is a lot of material on the internet about how biorhythms affect people, even to the claimed degree of influencing the gender of an unborn child.

You may be wondering how we are able to calculate the "fortune" biorhythm, when the degree of good or bad fortune we experiences is seemingly random and beyond our control. However, there is significant research on this subject which indicates that to some degree we are able to make our own luck, purely by our mental state. When we have a pessimistic outlook, we fail to notice the good things in life and are likely to overlook opportunities and "lucky chances" that are all around us.

However, if we have an optimistic outlook, we are more likely to turn ordinary situations into opportunities to better our lives and ourselves. Our fortune biorhythm should help you to understand when you are more likely to attract positive situations into your life.
We also offer a unique user-adjustable biorhythm, which allows you to experiment with and develop your own biorhythm sine wave based on your own findings. For instance, you may notice differences in your sexual desire and energy which are cyclical.

Good luck with new fortune biorhythm cycle!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Google Biorhythms


A biorhythm (from Greek βιορυθμός - biorhuthmos) is a hypothetical cycle in physiological, emotional, or intellectual well-being or prowess. "Bio" pertains to life and "rhythm" pertains to the flow with regular movement. Biorhythms theory has no more predictive power than chance, and has been labelled a pseudoscience by skeptics

I first heard about Biorhythms many years ago and at the time I got myself a book and got quite into it all. It did seem to have some substance in that, critical days were often not good ones for me! It is said that people make many more mistakes on critical days; and also have more accidents!

I have recently started to get back into it as I have a gadget on my Google desk top that automatically shows me that days chart. So much more convenient than drawing the chart by hand as I did when I was first interested.

The blue line equals the Physical cycle, the pink line is the Emotional cycle and the brown is the Intellectual. All the cycles vary in length. Each cycle starts at zero on the day you are born. The Physical cycle is 23 days, the Emotional is 28 and the Intellectual is 33 days. These are known as the primary rhythms.

There are also 4 secondary rhythms: Spiritual =53, Awareness = 48, Aesthetic = 43 and intuition = 38. The site where the Google gadget gets it's info. says the following:

How to interpret biorhythms readings
Each biorhythm is zero when you are born, then it changes by a sinus-like law with the period equal to specific number of days depending on the rhythm (physical - 23 days, emotional - 28 days, intellectual - 33 days).

At any time each biorhythm is between -100% and 100%. Closer to 100% is better, closer to -100% is worse. The color of the circle shows this number visually, for example: pure green is 100%, green-grey is 50%, red-grey is -50% and pure red is -100%.

Special attention should be paid when the biorhythm is 0% or close to 0%. The days when the sign of the biorhythm is changed are called critical days, the circle becomes special . It was observed that people make many more mistakes on critical days.

If you are interested take a look at what Wikipedia has to say:

If you want to get your own charts then just Google the word "Biorhythm" there are loads of free sites.

Friday, May 16, 2008

It all comes in cycles


It all comes in cycles, according to Faron Young. From careers to songs to marriage to emotions, everything in life runs its course.

But right now if someone decided to make a biorhythm chart on Faron, it would show all the rhythms coming to a peak. Yes, Faron, who has been at ebbtide for a few years, is making a gradual climb again to the top. Like he says, it’s a cycle.

There are several reasons for this revitalization, but the major one is a recording project with Willie Nelson. Although it seems Willie has by now recorded with practically everyone, the seeds of this particular project were planted three years ago.

“Willie asked me to do this before he ever did the first album with anybody. Brilliant me,” Faron laughs. “I’m so brilliant, I said, “This won’t work. You and me can’t sell records with a duet!”

But the time wasn’t right for the project. For a long time Faron didn’t take Willie up on the offer but he was quick to oblige when Willie invited him down to Texas to visit and indulge in their common passion of golf. While playing, the question of recording together came up again, and this time Faron figured “What the heck.” It was only a short walk from the golf course to Willie’s recording studio.

“Willie has the studio right there on his golf course. We would go in and sing three songs and go out and play golf for the rest of the afternoon. There wasn’t no hurry up and get something done with this ’cause you’re worried about the money or the time being spent,” Faron said. As a result, everybody was relaxed.

“We flew down a bunch of Nashville musicians and got Willie’s old gut string guitar and we just went there and had a good time,” said Faron. “I stopped recording a couple of years ago and now Willie’s gonna make me famous and I’m gonna have to go back to work again!”

Once again a cycle is completed. When Faron was on top he helped a then-struggling songwriter. “Willie came here to Nashville and I used to loan him money for groceries. And I cut Hello Walls and that got him started as a songwriter,” he recalls. Of course, that tune was good for Faron, too.

“And now that I ain’t doing nothing, he proved he could help me. Willie Nelson is one of the few guys who don’t forget and you have to love and respect him for that.”

The new duo premiered some of the new material at Wille’s Fourth of July Picnic this summer. The album, which is yet to be released, was produced by Fred Foster and will feature no backup vocals, just Willie and Faron. That, Faron figures, would be enough.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

AID Motivation: Use Biorhythms


If there is one thing I found most difficult to stick to consistently, it was regular exercise. How about you? I talk in my book about the importance of increasing our activity to raise our heart rate, three to four times a week. I also talk about the ‘Stickability’ factor but one thing I haven’t mentioned is working with our biorhythms.

So lets examine what I mean. Have you ever tried to go to a gym or increase your activity after work or later in an evening? How about 6am in the morning? Believe it or not the time you set aside for extra physical activity has a huge impact on how you manage to stick to it.

We all have an inbuilt mechanism that regulates the flow of energy in our body. At certain times of the day there is more energy available to us than at others. This is our biorhythm. If we are in tune with it and working to its rhythm, whatever we do will flow more easily and be more enjoyable. Work against your biorhythm and you will always struggle.

For me, my optimum time to exercise is 6am! This is when I am most full of energy. Undertaking an activity at that time of day seems to set me up for the day. I feel more energetic and find that my mind rarely wanders to thinking about food. When there is an opportunity to get more active during the day I find myself enthusiastic and not resistant.

But that is my biorhythm and yours may very well be quite different. So how do you regulate your increased physical activity to your biorhythm? If you haven’t thought about it before, give it a go and let me know how it works for you.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Biorhythms While TTC


Biorhythms will be useful in family planning. Children conceived during favorable periods in the cycle will have a greater chance to get the best of both parents.


I have been reading bit about this and somehow believe that there is something to it. I concieved my DD when my energy was neutral to Boy and my DH in neutral. The swaying methods outlined here take moon into effect among other things but not the biorhythms. Is it because there is no study done/found on this part?

From my personal experience I feel that when I am in BOY energy my body responds differently. I get preseed quality EWCM and want to BD more. Generally have a positive attitude towards everything and kind of have a happy go lucky feeling. But I only have 2 of this kind of times this whole year , and one of it is gone already. Now I can attempt in neutral to BOY energy levels. But I do want to create that happy go lucky feeling. I am not sure about girl time since I am not giving much attention to it.

May be I am rambling but hoping to find someone with similar experiences.


I haven't experienced this but it sounds interesting! So would having a negative attitude and sadness mean girl energy? For some reason I always think I should conceive when I'm optimistic and high energy to have a girl?? Don't ask me why ... no reason.


Very interesting stuff. Do you have any article or links you can share with us for further reading on this...... Very intriguing for sure.


i'm interested in learning about biorhythms. is there a site i can use to check out DH's & my energy readings?


Physical line +ve and emotional line -ve - BOY
Emotional line +ve and physical line -ve - GIRL
Both Positive - Leans to BOY
Both Negative - Leans to GIRL
Let me know what you find out for your past pregnancies.


ok for DD #1 the emotional line was the highest (new moon) DH had everything in the highest part.
for DD#2 both the emotional & physical lines were lowest (full moon) DH had physical line being the highest. emotional line was also high.


worked for 2 of my 3. :) thanks.

Friday, May 09, 2008

The Secret Of Time


The secret of time is that it is the 4th dimension. The codes of time are found in the sacred calendar of the classic Maya, known as the Tzolkin. Within the cycle of the 260 day Tzolkin there is a 13 day galactic cycle, associated with the "galactic tones" and a 20 day solar cycle, associated with the solar tribe glyphs. These two smaller cycles turn together and overlap to form the 260 day cycle. This is the cycle of 4th dimensional time, which comes into the solar system from the galaxy.

It runs concurrently with the 365 day cycle of the year, to create 4th dimensional time as it applies to this solar system. Time is both spiritual and physical simultaneously. This is why it is the 4th dimension. It serves to bridge between the physical and spiritual because it operates within both. This calendar is designed to help you understand the aspects of time as the 4th dimension and to give you access to the physical and spiritual aspects of time.

The natural cycle of physical time is governed by the movement of the Earth around the Sun in a circle. It is then divided by the movement of the Moon around the Earth in a circle, the 28 day cycle coded into the bodies of all women on the Earth. This is the cycle that governs the physical aspects of life. Men are coded with the 28 day cycle, as well, in the 28 day biorhythm cycle. This calendar also shows you the corresponding dates from the 260 day sacred calendar, the cycle that governs the spiritual aspects of life.

The Dreamspell Calendar offers you the ability to access both the physical and spiritual aspects of time, in a very natural way already coded into the lives of everyone. It is also designed to serve as a conversion calendar from the old 12:60 time to the new time of 13:20, as it contains the dates which correlate it to the 12 month calendar everyone now uses, known as the Gregorian Calendar.

You may ask, "If this cycle is so natural, why aren't we already using it?" Actually, all ancient indigenous peoples used this system long ago, not just the Mayans. The 12 month calendar commonly utilized today is known as the "Gregorian Calendar" because it was instituted by the edict of Pope Gregory in 1582. However, it is just an update of the original Julian Calendar, the calendar instituted by Julius Caesar as a calendar of conquest.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Biorhythms And Negotiations


Your energy can drag in two ways. One is the effect of your very own biorhythm or energy cycle. The other is some specific factor that affects you at a specific time for a specific reason. I talk about the biorhythm first. Every human being has a biorhythm. That means that each person has a time of day when his or her energy naturally peaks and a time of day when his or her energy naturally slumps. Its part of the human condition and it’s slightly different for everyone. This rhythm occurs totally independent of any specific events. You have heard people say, “I’m not a morning person” or “She’s a real night person.” They are talking about the natural biorhythm. By the time you become an adult, you have a good idea of what the best time of the day is for you to do various things.

And it’s not just the amount of energy, but what the energy is good for. I like to write in the morning. If I can, I schedule meetings for the afternoon so my reading and drafting activities take place during the morning hours. That’s me. If at all possible, I schedule serious negotiations for the afternoon. What is your biorhythm? How do you normally function in the morning, the afternoon, and the evening? It’s important to do what you can to match your activities up with your own natural biorhythm. This isn’t always possible, not even for me, but it’s a worthy goal to have in mind. In the office, try not to schedule negotiations for the latter part of your workday, if that’s when your energy tends to be lower. For you, your mind won’t be as fresh as it is before lunch, for example. You don’t carry the “baggage” of your workday with you if you schedule meetings during the first half of the day. On the contrary, you may have had a good day at work and you’re pumped and ready for a negotiation late in the day.

But what if the other party is experiencing an energy drag? What if the other party isn’t having a good day? Perhaps your counterpart doesn’t want to listen. Your negotiation is then similarly in danger of not proceeding well. The unfortunate truth is that often the two negotiators will have different rhythms to their energy. You just have to try to make things work the best for you because it’s not possible to change someone else’s rhythm. No matter what biorhythm may be involved, more often than not specific circumstances will trump the biorhythm. Sometimes people are just too tired to listen. Listening takes energy. If your energy is flagging because of a lack of sleep or the crush of other business, you have a hard time listening. Be aware of that fact. You probably have said or heard, “Slow down, I’ve had a long day at work.” That’s the sound of a good negotiator, someone who knows that you can’t always listen at top speed. If the speaker needs to slow down for you to fully participate and pay attention, just say so.

Monday, May 05, 2008

I created Captain Biorhythm


I created Captain Biorhythm 1976 to inspire skateboarders to wear safety equipment and learn biorhythms to cut down on accidents and injuries and optimize their performance.

After spending 3 years taking care of my mom and 4 years taking care of my dad 24-7, there is a big hole in my life. Getting up a couple times a night to change diapers, get water, adjust night clothing, pray with them to help them overcome nightmares, dealing with no sense of time or what day it was, etc. was a daily sleep, emotional angst, constant depression.

I never could have made it without my right brain hero personality Captain Biorhythm. He really came through during the most difficult times...encouraging me when there was no hope, calming me during the times of great FEAR that appeared during all the near death events and trips to the emergency ward, helping me make the decisions to keep them alive when it would have been easier to let them die and providing joy when sorrow oppressed me like a soaking blanket.

Understanding the ups and downs of biorhythms really helped me with my own daily attitude adjustments. Also, by tracking the biorhythms of everyone in the family, it was much easier to help others deal with the gravity of each catastrophic event and the sorrow of the many mini-crises. Biorhythms was particularly valuable in determining the course of therapy and intelligent drug administrations.

I am sure other Babyboomers will be benefited by discovering their own hero within to help them go through what I have just experienced. I feel it is time to call Captain Biorhythm back out of retirement to help the people of my generation that are being crushed by dying parents on one side and returning children and grandchildren with lives that have failed for a multitude of reasons.

The heroes interviews I have done over the last 16 years have taught me so much. Having heroes share their answers to the heroes questions has helped more than you can imagine. Because of their wisdom and willingness to share it has helped me understand how to be a hero on a daily basis...most of the time (-:

After all, you are a hero some of the time, but not always.

It is a true journey. Few realize the steps along the pathway or understand where they are on their own heroes' journey. One book really helped me understand my life since I created Captain Biorhythm 1976 to inspire skateboarders to wear safety equipment and learn biorhythms to cut down on accidents and injuries and optimize their performance.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Dr. Halberg's Biorhythms: The best times to do something


More than 50 years ago, Dr. Franz Halberg of the University of Minnesota discovered that many biological processes appear to run according to an in-built clock. Later experiments showed him that living things respond to the same 24-hour rhythm, in tandem with the earth’s rotation.

Halberg also discovered that living things keep in time to many other periodic rhythms; half-weekly, weekly, monthly and yearly cycles govern virtually every biological function.

The human pulse and blood pressure, body temperature and blood clotting, circulation of lymphocytes, hormonal cycles and other functions of the human body all appear to ebb and flow according to some basic, recurring timetable.

Initially scientists believed that the master switch for these biological rhythms was located in certain cells of the brain or adrenal glands. But in his eighties, Halberg made his final breakthrough discovery: The synchronizer within every living thing is not internal but resides in the planets – particularly the sun and solar activity.

In a sense, the sun is our metronome. These rhythms are a ready-made feature of organisms, not simply something learned or acquired – an inherent property of life.

Because of this, we have biorhythms for everything in our lives – times when it is better to do one activity than another. For instance, having a glass of wine at lunchtime makes you more woozy than in the evening because your liver is three times better at detoxifying the alcohol in the evening than at midday.

Here are the best times to carry out activities in your day:

7 am: The optimum time to have sex, when the body produces a surge in hormones and adrenaline. Testosterone levels rise during sleep and reach a peak in men after a night’s sleep.

8:30-9: The best time to eat, since blood pressure and your metabolic rates are at their highest. Hence, the old adage to ‘eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper’. A huge meal will put on less weight in the morning than later in the day.

9:30-11:30 am; The optimum time for test taking, when your short-term memory and brain power are at their sharpest.

2 pm: The perfect time for a nap. The worst time to drive or operate equipment, as it is most likely time for an accident.

2:30-3: The best time for recall or reminiscing; long-term memory peaks.

4-6 pm: The best time to exercise – your muscles are at their warmest of the day, your reaction time, hand-eye coordination reach their optimum.

6-8 pm: The best time for mindfulness meditation, when sensory ability is at its most acute, and also problem solving, as the blood flowing to your brain peaks.

7-9 pm: The best time to share with friends and loved ones, as cortisol – the stress hormone – and blood pressure drops.

10-11 pm: The best time to sleep, when production of melatonin, the hormone inducing sleep, surges, and heart rate, body temperature begin to wind down.

Friday, May 02, 2008

To Help People Quiet Themselves


As a cancer survivor, Lindstrom recalls a very therapeutic experience with massage. She was inspired to teach other to remember a time when they listened to what their bodies were telling them.

“My experience told me that I wasn’t taking care of myself,” she said. “That is when I decided to go into massage therapy.” Lindstrom said people forget this as they try to do too many things. She wants them to realize that they cannot care for others unless they watch their own health first including the mind, body and spirit.

Lindstrom studied massage at Eagles Nest Institute in Duluth, which is now a program at Lake Superior College. Yoga and tai chi was also taught as part of massage. She said many therapists do not practice more than three years because of repetitive stress injuries. The profession is very taxing on the practitioner, she added. She said massage manipulation helps increases blood flow to the muscles and brings more oxygen to the tissue. With it comes the relaxation the client needs to become more aware of their health.

“My goal in massage is to help people quiet themselves,” she added. “So that they just focus on their own physical and emotional wellbeing.” Shirley Early is lifelong educator who is readying for retirement and a new career in biorhythm systems. She combines biofeedback data with her education background to help clients make good choices.

Her journey to naturopathic health began ten years ago when her own health began to deteriorate. Doctors could not find the source of her issues and she began to look at how she worked, ate, exercised and just lived as a way to gauge her overall health.

When Early found out that she had been suffering from Lyme disease, she looked at holistic health in her effort to begin feeling well again. Her training taught her that to de-stress the body helps eliminate energy blockages to create a condition where good health is more likely to follow. The biofeedback field uses an electronic box to read body pulse and muscle contractions to teach a person relaxation techniques. To be able to teach others how to do that is Early’s goal. She expands her education specialty into health with classes on essential oils, yoga and on choosing good supplements from the bad ones in an unregulated industry.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Listen Biorhythms To Be Puzzled


Your friends are all abuzz about you and some new hottie you’ve been spotted with. Let them wonder if there’s really something going on. You don’t have to kiss and tell-unless you really want to!

Wha-t-t-t?? Where??? Who??? Me??? Yeah right. I’ve been communing with my couch for over two weeks now. Other then the occasional walk and night out with the arty types, I’ve been slowly sinking between the cushions in my couch and Guardcat may soon be eating creme wittee brulee. You know….since the love between you and your cat can only take a turn for the worst, if you don’t move for a while and you suddenly look like a pile of human Friskies.

I’ve actually been obsessed with two things the last two weeks….lottery tickets and sleeping, with sub-headings of weird dreams and an uncontrollable obsession with numbers. Where should I start? Well, since sleeping isn’t very interesting, unless its WHO you’re sleeping with, and its certainly not the hottie in my horoscope, we’ll go directly to lottery tickets. They’ve been calling my name.

Now even though I’m poor and getting poorer as we speak, I buy a lottery ticket every time I go to the grocery store. Its an obsession. The potential for free money and financial freedom. Why not?? Unfortunately I have monumentally bad luck and couldn’t win anything higher than $1 if God/Allah and Howie Mandell dumped all the lottery ticket machines in New York on my bed.

I mean I just can’t win. Its funny how that sorta parallels my life. The most I’ve ever won was $8. Woo! You should have seen me! I was jumping around like those idiots on “Deal or No Deal”. Although just for the record….I would only jump around on that show if I was near my honey bunny super stud Howie Mandell, not because I was going to pick the case with $1.00 in it. Ya got it?

Anyways, in the last week I’ve been having lottery tickets literally throwing themselves at me. First at the yuppie grocery store where I went to buy my $1. ticket and there it was….a $2. crossword lottery ticket just randomly laying in the tray. Eek! Was it a sign? Or was it that news show that films people in those what-will-they-do situations and then films them to see if they do the RIGHT thing? I’m always worried I won’t and then I’ll be on National Television talking to John Quiones and some nun from my Catholic school days will be sitting in some convent nursing home somewhere, shaking her head in utter shame, saying “I thought witty was better than that.”

So I took the “lost” lottery ticket over to the customer service counter, which obviously had cameras on it from ABC News too and asked if anyone had asked about a lost lottery ticket. At first they wanted me to just “leave it” in case someone came to claim it. I wasn’t born yesterday chickie! So finally the young girl asked around and nobody had been looking for it in the last 1.5 minutes so then it was now MINE….MINE….MINE!!!!!! Woo! Hoo! Was it a winner?

What do you think?

And then the next day I went over to the Village to do my laundry and then onto my favorite ice cream place and on the way back I saw something rather interesting in the trash by the pond. TEN FREAKIN’ LOTTERY TICKETS in the FREAKIN’ GARBAGE CAN!!!!!!!!!!! THE TWO DOLLAR ONES!!! OMG!!! And they were only partially scratched off. And they were calling to me. Really loud…”witty….witty….that economic stimulus check will barely cover all the money the government has taken away from you in food stamps this last month…scratch us…you could be a winner!!”

So there I was on the main street of our tony little Village, overflowing with SUVs and Porches, digging through a garbage can for half scratched off lottery tickets, mixed in with food wrappers and old diamond tiaras, mumbling something about Howie Mandell, I think. Talk about humiliating! Fortunately they were fairly clean, although I had to wash my hands about a hundred times before I folded my laundry back at the laundromat. But there they were…10 freakin’ lottery tickets for the taking!! I didn’t do anything with the tickets until I got home where I found one winner for $2! Woo! It paid for almost a load of laundry. Woo! Call CNN!

So why the obsession with numbers? I’m not really sure, because I’m really terrible with numbers. But I do like free things and money, so I do every little thing online to make money including surveys. Some surveys pay money. Others just offer you gifts. But this last week, one of my gifts arrived and for someone with OCD, it was like the funnest thing ever. A pedometer. It records number of steps. Like four steps from my bed to the bathroom. 8 steps to the fridge. 16 steps to the mailbox downstairs. 39 steps to the library across the street. The other day I went on a hike and recorded 5634 steps. I definitely needed a nap after that one.

And therein lies the other problem I’ve been having lately. Excessive napping and dreaming of strange dreams. Dreaming of having job interviews in seedy places with tall dark ceilings. Standing out by a street in a see through negligee kissing Married Guy with my tongue. And then having him trying to run me down with a car. I mean WTF? What does that mean? Am I trying to resolve strange things in my subconscious? Am I having anxiety about finding a job and having it turn out badly. Or is my next relationship going to end badly, by me getting run over by an SUV? Wouldn’t that be poetic justice, getting squashed by a Dodge Caravan.

So like any overtired, angsty artist type I had to check in on my biorhythms. Why? I had just read the blog of our local newscaster (who incidently lives in my neighborhood. I see him out running). And he had cut himself shaving, punctured his shin with a stick out in his yard and fallen when he was out running….all in the same day. His decision? Check his biorhythm chart. So see, I’m not so flaky. He’s a newscaster fercrissakes! So I went to check my biorhythms. And I’m so glad I did!

First of all I found out that I was 18,340 days old. No wonder I keep needing a nap. That’s almost as old as Larry King and his socks added together. And then I looked at the charts and graphs and most of them were under the normal line, as in bad.

It said: Your general well being is moderate. Tendency: Its getting better.
You are in very good physical shape. Instead of wasting it go for a walk or a jog.
Emotional: You can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. The time for self pity is over. There is only one more hurdle to pass.
Intellectual: You spend these days without any plan or aim. Also, your reactions leave much to be desired.

Holy crap, that’s my life exactly right now. All the couch sitting. Aimlessness. Window staring. Self pity. Oh, and thanks for pointing out that my reactions leave much to be desired, oh biorhythm goddess. See if I ever laugh at your stories about again.

In the end, however, I am somewhat buoyed by the light at the end of the tunnel thingie and also by the fact that I only have one more hurdle to leap. What it is? I have no idea. But dog-gone-it there’s only one left. I just wonder if that will require me getting off the couch and relinquishing my remote control for human contact. Can you imagine how scary that could be?